I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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