Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
