party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
