you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
