Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize