Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
