it was like his penis was on wheels.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
