the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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