You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
