yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
