went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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