i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
