I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
