and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
