its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
