you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
