his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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