I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
