So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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