She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
