I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize