yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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