i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
