O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
