My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
