please come you make the beer taste better
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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