tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
