no, he came in my armpit
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
