I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
