I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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