Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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