thus making me awesome and them whores
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
