guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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