her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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