I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
