I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
