Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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