I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
