I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
