Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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