): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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