So drunk its hurt
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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