i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
bring money and cleavage
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
