I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
