saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
