Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We named our party play list daddy issues
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
