Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
