it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That accounts for only three of the penises
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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