Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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