why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
