I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
