i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize