Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
