Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize