Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
