I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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