There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
