I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
