im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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