I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
