Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
