Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I will pee on everything he values.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
