Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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