he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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