I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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