my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
