I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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