Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
