I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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