His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
