ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
