Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
