Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
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There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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