I puked a lego.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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