At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
