i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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