Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
