"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
