if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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